Sometimes I wonder if i truly just love to watch myself fail...
I have so much to do, and I just sit there... screaming inwardly at myself, knowing what I need to do.
Half the time I don't even feel that this is real. I cant convince myself that this matters. I'm just stuck with this sense of loss, that none of the rest of it could ever compare.
I feel... So Much at one time, and then I just go into what feels like remission. Back to where I'm just watching.
A Bystander.
These things Should Matter! Going to Scotland, Getting the Hell out of Here!
but I feel nothing most of the time.
nothing but a faded sense that its not real.
What's happening to me?
I'm wandering lost in my thoughts... maybe that's why I feel faded and surreal?
I feel the sudden blaze of emotion... but then it's back to my mind; my treacherous thoughts.
I'm lashing out through lack of action... and I don't even understand why
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1 comment:
These are the feelings, thoughts, (lack thereof) that make me want to write lists. Hmphf. They're addictive though. Everything tangable. Something to go back to when there's nothing. A place to purge, make a mess of word vomit to clean up later. I should shut up. I'm making me want to write lists of everything. Blargh!! I lurve you Meggles!
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