and for a while there, I did. It was freeing to finally make a choice, to feel like I was figuring things out and moving in the right direction. But now, a month and a half into dropping out of art school, I wonder if I made the right choice.
I was miserable there, but who's to say I won't be miserable anywhere else?
Now that I'm not an "art student" anymore I feel like I've lost some of my identity. The only reasons I'm still here is that I'm stuck on my lease until September, I am working full time, and for some stupid reason I don't want to leave a guy who doesn't want me anyway. I'm pushing away my friends because being around them reminds me that I don't feel like I belong here anymore. I know that this is all just mental bullshit and that my friends are still my friends even if I'm not going to NCA anymore, but what do I do? I don't want to push people away, but I totally know I'm doing it. Even with knowing I'm being ridiculous, I lack the drive to seek most people out.
And I've got about 3 more months of this Limbo I'm in. 3 months of working 9 hours a day, having people remind me of how much they're disappointed in me, and of trying to Really honestly and truly give up on Max.
It's time to really figure out what I'm doing with my life
*sigh*
I think I'll make a cake tomorrow. That sounds nice
